Mainly, my thinking was done during the last 10 miles of the Air Force Marathon while I was trudging along wondering how in the hell I got myself into a different predicament in almost the exact same location as last year. The answer to that is simple, and we'll cover it later.
First, let's look at the topic that was floating around my head as I was trying to focus on planting my feet in a manner that wouldn't send shooting pain from my ankles to my molars
... am I an athlete, or just an obsessed running hobbyist?
Quick search of the Internet and http://www.dictionary.com defines "athlete" as: "a person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength." So, by that definition, I'm an athlete - I'm (somewhat) trained (certainly not gifted) in a contest involving physical stamina.
I'll buy that... the same site defines "hobby" as: "an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation."
This appears to apply as well.
So as I hobbled along trying to keep the pain and frustration out of my head, I contemplated whether I was taking all this running/racing too seriously. I mean, what event am I going to actually come close to placing in... and who am I fooling that I might actually win something?
Isn't finishing a distance like this enough, regardless of how I get there? (legally, that is... I'm not Rosie Ruiz or Milli Vanilli)
The real question is whether my competitive nature, usually kept in check, has taken over my love of hitting the road and is now driving me to constantly improve, rather than enjoying the scenery and feeling good about possibly adding a few years to my life. Although truth be told, that marathon made me wish for a low-flying plane landing on top of me or a wildebeest stampede bearing down on me like a scene out of "The Lion King"; something crazy to take my mind off the agony would've been OUTSTANDING.
Trying to squelch competitive drive is like trying to stop an avalanche by holding up two hands and yelling, "Whoa there big fella!"... it just ain't happening. If you've got the gene that makes you want to constantly show well in any arena, it's not easily turned off. I firmly believe you can build a competitive spirit into someone, but if they already have it you need to harness it, massage it, and fuel it until gametime, then unleash it upon others like the old me on ice cream and pumpkin pie (just keep your hands and feet away from my mouth when I'm eating those two things and you'll be fine).
All things being equal, I'm a relatively calm guy. I have my moments, but I'm not fanatical about things. But my running has begun to frustrate me because I feel like I'm capable of much more. I'm also wanting more out of my running... I want to lead, I want to float effortlessly around the course, I really want to finish in the low double digits of a field. Jesus, I sound like a spoiled kid...
It's painfully clear what needs to be done... I need to train more. That's why my psoas (both sides) seized up on me at mile 16, making it painful to even lift my legs - lack of training. I need to practice what I preach, get out there and improve all facets of my performance. Most importantly, I need to specialize in something.
What? Now you've gone from a confused athlete/hobbyist to a specialist? Gimme a break, Kev. (I know that's what you're thinking, because I thought the EXACT SAME THING when it first entered my head)
The reality is I need to have realistic goals, and my current situation does not afford me the time, money, patience, child care or mental focus to properly train for anything longer than 13.1 miles. Can I run longer distances? Yes. Should I run longer distances? For training, yes?
Can I properly devote the time and effort into becoming a "marathoner", by which I mean "running the entire way"?
No.
My reality is that for as determined as I may think I am, I need to break away pieces of the obstacles that have presented themselves over the past year or so and allow myself a clear path and the ability to focus in on a singular goal.
So I'll specialize in running the half marathon distance. Anything shorter is a time trial for the 13.1 mile events... anything longer is a test of endurance to show I can outlast my mental blocks on the course.
And my singular goal? I want to run a sub 1:30 half marathon by the end of 2012.
That means I need to knock almost 25 minutes off my current time... almost two minutes per mile.
Unrealistic? Probably.
Unheard of? Probably not.
Pressing my "hobby" to it's limits? Screw my hobby... I'M AN ATHLETE!
See ya in three weeks at the Detroit Free Press half marathon... I'm shooting for 1:50. For those not in the know, that's three minutes and small change faster than my current PR.
Peace, love and reality... the way you see things is how they really are.
